There's So Much More

Weekend Update

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 12:35:43 GMT

Friday
Friday morning, Daniel came home from Florida to find Graeme and I splashing in the tub. We eventually made our way downstairs to introduce him to Graeme's new thrift store toys--his doppelganger Cabbage Patch baby, Milton, and a collection of wooden blocks with sentence fragments and related illustrations on them. We're all three of us on the floor when Graeme inexplicably decides to throw himself face first over D's leg and into the pile of blocks. He screamed, his face flushed hot red and his mouth gaped open and he screamed. It was terrible. It wasn't until a few minutes later when he was calmed down that we saw he had scratched himself on the blocks--an angry red line snakes up his cheek, across his temple, and then skates over his eyebrow to almost his nose. It was so bad in places that we had to get out band-aids and antibacterial cream. My baby! Trauma.

He seemed pretty happy, though, so once we had him all patched up we walked to the grocery store and bought some ears of sweet corn. We made our celebratory summer dinner--Amy's barbecue vegan patties on rolls with broccoli sprouts and cucumber ranch dressing and sweet corn liberally covered with Earth Balance margarine and salt. Mmmmm!

After dinner, Daniel loaded Graeme into his stroller and cruised the neighborhood so that I'd have the time and privacy I wanted to do ritual for my Silver Branch work. It was a surprisingly emotional thing. Once I got my circle down, I left the altar as it was, slid into my slippers, and tearily padded down to the street to find D and G. Graeme was asleep in his stroller, so we walked the neighborhoods in silence for probably half an hour while I decompressed and grounded myself back out. It was beautiful--the sun setting, the stroller wheels shoooshing over the pavement, the tiny city gardens in riotous bloom.

Back in the house, Graeme and I got ready for bed as the first of the amateur fireworks displays began from neighboring rooftops. We were drawn by the heavy whoomp-thud-sizzle of professional-grade stuff that was lighting up our bedroom in showers of red and green and silvery-white light. I scooped Graeme out of bed, where he wasn't sleeping well anyways, and we stood in the windows and watched for a few minutes before crawling back in to sleep. It was a magnificent way to end our day.

Saturday
Early Saturday morning, we packed into the car and drove to Starved Rock State Park. The crowds were light and the temperatures were mercifully low, so it made for a great morning of hiking along the Illinois River--up and down among the canyons and bluff trails there. Daniel's mother had found one of those hiking rigs for babies--the monster aluminum-framed baby-carrier thing for serious baby-in-tow hiking--at a garage sale for us so we tested that out and pretended we were in Colorado. ;) Daniel got along pretty well in it and Graeme loved being that high up, holding on to the back collar of his dad's shirt and peering around his head to see the path ahead. The sight of the two of them was so unspeakably adorable, I spent almost the entire hike sneaking photos in. (I'll get them posted up sometime today, hopefully.)

After hiking maybe two or three miles, we went back to a big grassy field along the river, laid out some of Graeme's blankets, and had a picnic. I don't think anything tastes better than a packed lunch, out of doors, after a hike. D waxed poetic about the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I'd made and fed me grapes. Graeme tentatively explored the grass along the perimeter of his blanket and poured Cheerios and water all over himself with quite a bit of glee. It was a perfect moment.

Graeme conked out in his car seat almost immediately and so Daniel took a slight detour on the way home to an old-fashioned drive-in root beer stand. (The root beer was overly sweet and pretty gross, but the experience was fun.)

We all napped a bit at home in the afternoon, sorted through Graeme's out-of-control clothing collection, had baths, and then took Graeme strolling through the neighborhoods again as the sun set. It was all *so* nice. Just a good weekend together without any time crunches or concerns.

What did you do this weekend? I hope it was a good one for you, too. :)

Summer in the City

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 00:06:34 GMT

(Cameraphone self-portrait. We're both hot and miserable here. Graeme really looks it!)

It felt crazy hot today! I had to carry Graeme around outside for three hours while Daniel made some business phone calls in the house. Seriously, someday it might be nice to invest in him having an office to go to or at least a door to close in our house. I spend a lot of time huddled with Graeme in the bathroom, the laundry closet, or outside to keep the clarion call of baby tears from disrupting his work dealings. Silly. On the other hand, I'd hate to see him leave every day instead of being just a "Hey baby! Guess what?" away.

I've been working lately to assemble prizes for the Diana's Grove fundraiser on July 19th. I'm very happy with how things are going so far. I've got quite a little collection going of services and jewelry and artwork. Good stuff. I hope the turnout is good and that everyone has a little extra money in their pockets to donate! :D

With the New Moon, I'm beginning a new spiritual program for the coming year. I'm not taking full advantage of the Mystery School community as it is, so there is a part of me that feels a bit overwhelmed and foolish for committing to more solitary work. The other part of me, the starved part, feels like this is a good journey to throw myself so trustingly into. Whichever way it turns out for me, I feel invigorated to be investing more of my self and thought into priestessing things. I need to reclaim an identity outside "mother". I don't want to continue living this myth that my life has ceased because I have a baby. I need to find ways to eke out more than that from my day or I'll go stark raving looney tunes.

I'm desperately lonely.

I've got things to look forward to, though, and I'm taking some baby-steps to getting myself what I need to be happier, more fulfilled.

Sidewalk Chalk

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 02:39:30 GMT

My local sidewalk chalk artist was hard at work again this afternoon. Her name must be Isis, as it was written in the street and intertwined with images of rabbits and flowers and carrots. There was even a life-size image of her, sketched in with shoelaces and smile and everything. Across her stomach was written, "I like pie".

Oh, Isis...so do I.

~*~

It seems like a suffering time lately. I watched the old 30 Days episode where Morgan and his fiance tried surviving on two minimum wage jobs in Columbus, Ohio. (They suffered and subsisted almost entirely on beans and rice and the kindness of strangers.) Another friend sent me an article about children in homeless shelters and their (distressingly bleak) views of the Divine in their lives. Someone ahead of me in line at the grocery store was painstakingly counting out her change and fishing along the bottom of her purse for a few cents more. Lots of things, things I'm noticing, entries here and images.

I was thinking of my poor days when fast food condiments and bulk boxes of saltine crackers constituted meal after meal after meal. When finding a quarter on the ground was like hitting the lottery. When I was thrilled beyond imagining to receive deoderant and shampoo for my birthday, a luxury I couldn't buy myself. Poverty saps everything out of a person, it seems. It drained me away and whittled me down and faded the colors in the fabric of me.

There's something sickeningly wrong when an oil company can post a profit greater than any profit in the history of the earth and in that same company's shadow, there are millions of people going to bed hungry, suffering without the ease of adequate health care, and worrying about how they will keep shelter over their heads. I have great faith in the goodness of people. We could do better than this, surely. Right?

~*~

I've spared a thought for you today. I hope you and yours are well.

Chicago: Ritual and Fundraiser For Diana's Grove

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 11:12:52 GMT

For those of you in the area, I hope you'll attend! I think it'll be a very interesting taste of the dynamic, welcoming ritual style of Diana's Grove and the money raised is going to the best of causes. :)

~*~

Chicago Mysteries presents:
In Service to the Sacred:
A Fundraiser to Save the Land at Diana's Grove
Presented as an Earth Spiritualists of Chicago Main Event
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July 19th, 2008, 6pm-midnight
2032 W. Fulton, Chicago, IL 60612

Do you value the environment?
What if the choices you made could save sacred land?
You can make a difference.

Right now, in the foothills of the ancient Ozark Mountains, a forest being razed to the ground. Half of a total of 880 acres is already a wasteland of dust after the devastation of clear-cutting. This unsustainable logging practice threatens this beautiful land, the habitat of hundreds of species of plants and animals, and the local watershed.

This land borders Diana's Grove, a nature sanctuary and retreat center dedicated to personal and spiritual growth that has touched many lives here in Chicago, and in earth-based communities around the country.

You can help save this land

Please join us for a festive evening of fundraising to generate abundance, both financial and energetic, to help protect this sacred land. You can make an ecological difference in the world with your actions and choices.
For over 15 years, the land of Diana's Grove has stood to support the sacred work of hundreds of people, as well as rescued hundreds of dogs. Diana's Grove offers Mystery School and other retreats that foster personal growth, community building, and leadership development using earth-based spiritual values, practices, and processes.

Make a change in the world that you can see

Right now you can directly save the land. Every donation helps to save a tree, and benefit this endangered environment. Your smallest donation matters. All profits generated from this fundraiser will go towards the Diana's Grove land fund.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Schedule of Events for July 19th:

6:00 Doors open
Enjoy the potluck offerings, as well as musical entertainment; sacred play to help save sacred land.
7:00 Land Rescue
An optional informational session on effort to save this land.
7:15 Ritual information session
Find out more about the evening's ritual and prepare for the work of the night.
7:30 Ritual
Together, we lift our voices and connect from our deepest selves to the sacred land beneath our feet, sending healing energy to protect sacred lands near and far.
9:00 Auction
Bid on gorgeous donations from local businesses and community members.
9:30 Gaia's Groove
Dance for the dream of a healthy planet with a drum circle as well as an eclectic mix of worldbeat and other danceable tunes. Will you groove for the Grove?

Admission:
$5 and up, sliding scale. Please donate what you are able toward the land fund.
Please also bring a potluck dish to share, and any items you would like to donate for the auction.

This is a family friendly event, and children are welcome until the Gaia's Groove dance party begins. This event is drug and alcohol free. Please also join us in recycling during this event, and consider using ecologically sustainable choices in food containers. Please contact us with any questions.

Contact information:
ShaunaAura@ringinganvil.org, river.roberts@gmail.com, 773-506-1099

More information:
For more information about the programs at Diana's Grove, please visit http://www.dianasgrove.com
The Chicago Mysteries are a local group devoted to the work of the year-long Diana's Grove Mystery School program.

This fundraiser is our effort to support the Diana's Grove staff in preserving this land. Other ways to support the effort include a plan that will enable you to help with the preservation of this land through buying into a landholder agreement, or through tax-deductible donations in any amount. Visit http://www.dianasgrove.com/landproposal.html for more details.

Directions:
Google Map It!

Public Transportation: Nearest stops are the Green Line at Ashland and Lake, and the Blue Line at Damen and Grand. Contact Shauna for carpooling connections.

May your sacred lands be held in the hands of the Goddess.

Diana's Grove In Need

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:11:28 GMT

Diana's Grove, one of the greatest training resources and retreat centers in the country for earth-reverent, magickal peoples, is facing a crisis.

First, the visuals.

They say:

"A couple months ago we began hearing the sounds of logging to the south of Diana's Grove. Eventually we discovered the 880 acres bordering Diana's Grove to the South and East are being clear cut. The impact of this logging is devastating to the wild life, habitat, and (needless to say) the beauty of the land. The green hills that border the Grove on two sides will be gone. This company is cutting to the bare earth and leaving nothing. One of the values we hope you share with us is a value for the environment, for the preservation of land, and making an ecological difference in the world. We have developed a plan that will enable you to help with the preservation of this land if now is the time in your life for such action."

A plan, as I understand it, is in place to purchase the as-yet undamaged land (from the logger) along the borders of Diana's Grove in early August. It is a case of, the more money they have, the more land they can save. It is a time-crunched crusade that means a lot to me and I hope that some of you will be inspired to help!

Ways to Help:
1. The Grove staff have set up a leaseholder program where you may buy a share of the saved land. It will even allow you space to build your own private cabin on the property. Read more about this interesting land proposal here.

2. Donate money directly via PayPal or check. Any amount will help!

3. Work magick of healing and protection onto the land affected by logging.

4. Donate pagan/earth-friendly prizes to our fund-raising raffle. :) The members of Chicago's Mystery School community are hosting a local fund-raising event on Saturday July 19th. As part of that effort, I'm helping to organize a charitable raffle. I know quite a few of you are talented artisans. I'm putting together, in the few weeks allotted, the best prizes I can offer in hopes of raising money (and good energy!) for Diana's Grove. (I'm envisioning jewelry and artwork and tarot decks and books and candles and soaps and other earthy/witchy attractive prizes.) I'd be honored if you'd like to be involved. (Email me at songtoisis@gmail.com if you'd like more information on this option.)

~*~

The crisis at Diana's Grove is a microcosm of the wasteful, heartbreaking environmental destruction that's happening all over the world. The Grove is a spiritual getaway for me and one that I am invested in trying to protect and cocoon from that bitter reality. My personal involvement is an act of magick and faith and activism. I would welcome anyone energized to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with me on that.

First Farmer's Market: Rainbow Chard

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 13:47:47 GMT

This weekend, Daniel and I wheeled Graeme around the Logan Square Farmer's Market--our first Farmer's Market appearance of the year. It was a small place, not many vendors, but we were able to pick up all kinds of treasures. We got some Michigan strawberries that were outrageously good and some snow peas that we crunched and munched on while we shopped. We bought a hearty loaf of nine-grain bread studded with pumpkin seeds and bags of broccoli and arugula. We had no idea what to do with it, but we also picked up a bunch of gorgeous rainbow chard. It was such fun!

Last night, we (thanks to some searching at vegancooking for a chard recipe) made a quinoa/red lentil/rainbow chard pilaf of sorts. It was warm and glommy and fabulous. Addictive texture and a lot of fun to make. Mmmmm. So now we've conquered chard and are looking forward to the next adventure in "What is this and how do you eat it?" vegetable horizon-pushing. :D

I thought, going into veganism, that I'd be giving up a lot of foods. Instead, I've discovered worlds more to eat than I ever gave up. :) Happy summertime produce, for one. Good stuff.

Save in the Time of Plenty

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:13:10 GMT

I remember distinctly and painfully a moment in the shower last week when I was musing on my relationship with Osiris and the Underworld in general. With exquisite naivete, I envisioned myself offering my priestessing skills to the dying, providing some lasting comfort to those leaving this life. I'd be so well suited for it, afterall, and wouldn't it be something to provide where I feel some skill?

Within hours, we received word that my husband's much-loved grandfather was dying in the hospital. I couldn't help but think, as we made plans to fly out and give our last respects on behalf of the rest of the family, "Dear God, what have I called down upon us?" Yet more pride, to think this is my story. It isn't. And yet, some of it is important to tell as if it was.

I met Grandpa George once, in Florida where he'd gamely traveled to attend our wedding. He was dignified. He faded into the crowd, quietly waiting, it seemed, for us to turn our attention onto him. We hardly spoke. There were so many other guests to tend to. I didn't make enough time for him. I saw him as a balding man with prominent ears, a skinny man with good posture in a tasteful suit tailored for a larger man.

The second time I met him, Daniel and the baby were waiting outside as I ducked around the glass doors of the ICU bay he was in. He was entirely unresponsive. A ventilator hissed and rattled through his body, his arms were restrained to the bed rails, his eyes were partially open, unfocused, and weeping steadily. His skin was blotchy with iodine and blood, loosely draped over the stark curves of his skull. There were tubes taped everywhere and his chest ratcheted up and down mechanically as machines breathed for him. He hitched and twitched on the bed with those unseeing, half-closed eyes. It was monstrous. It was terrifying, as if he could lurch upwards and grab me at any moment. It didn't seem like there was anything left of him, the man I'd met. Daniel had been scared and traumatized by his visits, had wanted me to visit so that he could share that with me, talk to me about his Grandpa's condition and I'd sailed on in there, unconcerned. I was a witch. Death doesn't scare me. Right? Well, I stood by the bed and absolutely quaked. What in the world could I offer? This wasn't what I thought it would be, it wasn't soft light and a weak smile from a tired man. This was unnatural. He was unreachable.

I rambled. I hovered over his bed, smoothed my palm over his forehead, and rambled fast and tirelessly. I told him about the weather and his beautiful great grandson. I told him how people were worried about him and loved him. I talked about our wedding and how nice it had been to have him there. The prickle of the short stray hairs on his head, the smooth bald skin, the structure of his face--it had been passed down to his grandson. I saw, for a moment, my husband laying there all wasted away and near death. It was heartbreaking, like a fast-forward zip to a scenario I can't even contemplate calmly. Life is so short and we'll all die. Grandpa will die and my mother will die and I will die and sometime my son will die. My son will die. What a horrible truth. And if he lives a good long life, this might be what he looks like when that happens. This wasn't my story and it wasn't George's story, either. It was an epiphany, an every-story kind of moment.

We were not far from Dodge City where tens of thousands of cattle are slaughtered every day. The air, no matter where we were in town, was fouled with the stench of manure. Entire hillsides had been turned into barren, disgusting feedlots packed shoulder-to-shoulder with cattle waiting to be herded to the end. The roads were a constant parade of livestock trailers turning into giant slaughterhouse complexes. One slaughterhouse offered tours, though we didn't attend, and boasted of their speedy, efficient killing of 6,000 animals a day. It was a constant backdrop to our trip, part of the overall theme that I can't quite grasp. Unnatural, frightening death maybe. I don't know. It consumed me. It disturbed me. We stared as we drove past these places, at the pens with nursing mothers and smaller calves. Pen after pen of dark manure and rusting metal feed troughs. It meant something more.

Daniel's family sent along letters they'd written and photos to share with their Grandpa. Daniel's mother wanted us to bring in a pad of paper so Grandpa could write some memorable last words. Daniel told them, phone call after phone call, that there was no response. Grandpa wasn't awake. He wasn't communicating. He might not even be hearing what was said. He was gone already, the chance for last words past, and yet everyone, Daniel included, was hanging on hoping for the closure of that movie death--the whispered "I love you, too", the chance to make everything alright. The son who'd never been good enough wanted to hear that his father was wrong. The grandkids who hadn't visited wanted to be forgiven and make up for the time they'd lost, the conversations they'd never had. They wanted and needed something that their Grandfather was no longer able to offer. It was tragic.

Grandpa hasn't died and he hasn't revived. There is no way of knowing if he knew we visited or if he heard us read the letters from his loved ones. There is no sense of closure and I don't know if there ever will be. It is complicated and sad and frustrating. We wondered at times if there had even been a point to the visit. Some days, Daniel felt worse for it and doubted his grandfather even knew he was there.

It's Litha, such a joyous celebration of summer's plenty. I see a new side to it today. It is the time of plenty and comfort and safety and family. All these long daylight hours, all the food flourishing in the fields, it is an open hand, an opportunity to save and stockpile for the leaner days ahead. It is the days when my son is still young and healthy, the days when Grandpa was eager and able to share stories and wisdom, the days when everyone I loved was alive and the whole of my life stretched before me with promise. The days I have often forgotten to take advantage of, the plenty that I didn't store away for life's winters.

There is so much I wish I could express. The "a ha!" moment of it all when the Divine lesson chimed in and I got it, when I saw, for just a flash of a second, the meaning and shape of life and the universe before it slipped out of my grasp. I'm not a writer. It is, however, a story we're all telling.

As a world of consumers, it seems there is an attitude that there will always be more. There will always be more oil and coal to fuel our needs. There will always be more time to repair the damage we've done to the environment. There is always more time, some "later" that is constantly pushed back, in which to talk to our loved ones and to make the changes we want to in our lives. I have wasted so much daylight, so to speak. I've lived as if it will always be Litha and there will always be ready fruit on the tree. It feels like a betrayal of youth, to learn how wrong I've been. Dumb. Wasteful.

Life is short and fast and precious and painful.

How do I mobilize and move on from that realization? How do I keep the blinders from settling back over my eyes?

Big life lesson mojo happening here. Clumsy and raw and real. I feel like, spiritually, I'm starting over again from the, "I know nothing about nothing. I know less than I'd ever imagined!" stage. It is humbling and embarrassing and ungainly.

I need to grow and to change. I need to save in the times of plenty.

Notice Board

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 01:49:10 GMT

***Hi, I can't come to the internet now. Please leave a message! :D***

(raynemaiden, I got your box tonight! Daniel and I tried on the tattoo sleeves and about laughed ourselves silly. Graeme loves his new stuff--that book is such a treasure! And the mom figurine? I got all misty and have it up in a place of honor in our dining room. So lovely. The funny thing is that I was thinking of you this past weekend and have sent a little something back your way. :D)

(Anyone planning to attend Wizard World Chicago this year?)

Happy Nine Months Birthday, Graeme!

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 13:54:52 GMT

In the past nine months, we've gone from this:

To this...

To this...

Happy Nine Month Birthday, Graeme. You're proof that life is pretty freakin' fantastic. :)

Basic Info Survey Dealie

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 12:01:05 GMT

I found this pretty helpful for some of the folks on my friends page. Maybe you will, too.

You know how sometimes people on your friend's list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you *should* already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy mine below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration! One-word answers seldom help anyone out.

1. First Name: Rachel :D

2. Age: I'll be 30 in October and I'm really quite excited about it. It feels like a chance at a clean slate where I can get past the mistakes I made in my 20s and script my own best 30s. :)

3. Location: Chicago, Illinois

4. Occupation: I'm a stay-at-home mom. My husband owns a forensic engineering company and we also own/run rental properties both here and in South Florida.

5. Partner? My husband, Daniel, and I have been married since 2005 and together since 2002. He's actually my second marriage. He travels quite a bit for work but when he's home, he works from home. So that's nice that I either see him 24-hours a day or not at all. He's the best.

6. Kids: Our son, Graeme (the Scottish spelling of Graham) is 9 months old.

7. Brothers/Sisters: I have one brother, Matthew, who is three years older than me. Growing up he was my best friend but we've drifted apart over differences in religion and lifestyle. He lives in Georgia with his wife and two sons and works in the golf industry.

8. Pets: I have two cats. SunBunny, who is approximately ten years old, I found trapped under the hood of my brother's car. She has bad knees and lives a pretty sedentary life these days. George, who is approximately the same age, I adopted from a cat rescue that had housed him for two years! He's terrified of almost everyone and everything and spends most of his days hiding or running.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
-Our home is up on the market and, if we can manage to sell it, we plan to move to Boulder, Colorado. With the economy being the way it is, this may or may not happen anytime soon.

-As my son is gaining some independence, I'm trying to find some for myself as well. I don't have any family here in the area or any other mom-friends to hang out with, so I've spent a lot of time alone with the baby.

-I'm working to revitalize full_moon_swaps, a mailswap community that I created several years ago and still have a big hand in running.

10) Where and for what did you go to school for? I attended Florida Atlantic University (in Boca Raton, Florida) and got degrees in both History and Anthropology.

11) Parents? My parents divorced when I was 12 or 13. My mom lives in South Florida. My father moved back to my childhood hometown here in Illinois. She runs a surgery center and he's a disabled Vietnam Vet.

12) Who are some of your closest friends? My best friend, ever since high school, is Shaun. He lives near my mom. Daniel and I are like white on rice. I spend the most time online talking to mermaiden and rubymulligan--wish I lived closer to them both.

Grateful For...

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:08:52 GMT

My posts lately read negatively to me. I'm not sure why, since I am generally in good spirits.

I am grateful for:

* ...the plentiful summer sunshine that floods our house from the time I wake up with Graeme around 5:30am until we curl up into bed together at 8:30pm or so. I can feel the profound changes that sunlight does to my mental chemistry.

* ...my body, slimmed down from my 70 pound pregnancy weight gain. My cardio health still needs recovery, but my body feels more youthful and capable, willowy and strong. I'm in my own skin again.

* ...my friends, who are supportive, creative, and kind.

* ...my son, who is gifted and good-natured, healthy and happy.

* ...the luxuries of my life. I bask in hot water showers with good smelling soaps, plentiful fresh foods, comfortable shoes, cool cotton sheets on my bed, a pillow that fits me perfectly, and a backlog of new-to-me historical romance novels from Paperbackswap.com.

* ...my husband, who is the funniest, most generous, most talented person I've ever met. To have someone like that weave his life with mine and seem to care, above all things, for my happiness and safety? It is the best feeling in the world. Because of him, I don't need to worry about day-to-day survival for my son and I. We are cared for and protected absolutely and it is a tremendous gift.

* ...my home. If we never move out west, we'll still be happy. (Though we'll need to invest in baby gates like whoa!)

* ...my cleaning guy. Because of him, my floors are always clean enough for my son to explore and the cat fur is no longer shooshing by in giant tumbleweeds. For the first time in my life, I wouldn't hesitate to invite someone in to see our place.

* ...my cats, who are tolerant of the baby wanting to be near them all the time and never, no matter how grabby he gets, do anything dangerous. For ferals, they're surprisingly maternal towards him.

* ...television, for providing some entertaining ways to fill my pre-dawn hours. The Tudors, 30 Days, This American Life...this one's for you!

Toys: Mighty World Farmer's Market

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 01:35:56 GMT

This is why I love T.J. Maxx. I'd never even heard of Mighty World toys, but I ran across this Farmers' Market playset for $10 (about 50% off the usual price, it looks like) in the stacks of T.J. Maxx's toy department tonight. It has to be the single happiest little vegan toy concept I've ever seen. Now I just need to wait three more years until Graeme's old enough to play with it. Still, I couldn't leave it behind. It was too wonderful. My inner child wants to play. :D

Baby Bulletin

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 15:24:30 GMT

At Friday's pediatrician visit, Graeme weighed in at 22 lbs 6 oz.
As of yesterday, he is consistently, reliably, and intentionally saying both "mama" and "dada".
Knock me over with a feather. :)

Whatcha buying?

Sat, 24 May 2008 14:53:57 GMT

Daniel and I went to stock up last night at this giant local grocery store that I discovered carries all kinds of vegan foods--including blueberry toaster waffles. Mmmm.

In front of us was a woman of indeterminate middle age--40s, 50s, 60s--driving one of the store's power wheelchair things with the steel basket on the front. She wasn't handicapped or injured, it didn't seem, but she was extremely overweight. She had a Death's door look to her and I couldn't help but stare at the contents of that basket as her wheelchair hummed past us. She had eight precariously stacked cases of orange soda and a box of pasta. That's it.

It pained me not to say, "Please don't drink those. Please."

~*~

I find myself doing that often in grocery stores. I'm interested in what people are buying. Are they, perhaps, vegetarian or vegan? What are they feeding those toddlers of theirs pushing miniature carts down the aisles behind them? What sort of hair products do they use to get their hair to look so nice? I find it telling to see what people eat. Restaurant meals can be deceptive--the real clue is to see what people are caching in the privacy of their own caves--what they eat in the middle of the night when nobody is there to see them, to judge them.

And frankly, when I'm in the grocery store, I am judging people. Maybe this Sunkist woman didn't exist solely on orange soda. Maybe she's having a garage sale and going to serve cold orange sodas in a big icy cooler? Maybe she stocks up on soda once every two years and I just happened to catch her on that day? Maybe her children or grandchildren love it or maybe she's building some sort of orange pop-art sculpture? But I don't assume that. I think, "This woman can't walk around a grocery store", "Her weight is killing her", and "She's ingesting liquid death, pretty much, with all this soda".

Is it true? Is it absolutely true? And frankly, is it any of my business?

~*~

I've had overweight friends who've commented about the stares they get in grocery stores or at restaurants or at fast food drive-thru lines. People who give their bodies the once over stare and then cast a calculating gaze to their food choices. When I was pregnant, I can remember experiencing the same thing when I'd buy junk food or (even worse) alcohol. I could feel the judgment on my shoulders, or imagined it anyways, and I wanted a sign or something that read, "I swear my food at home is much healthier and all this beer is for my husband. He's not pregnant." Yet, I freely admit that I glance in carts, too. Of course, I think I'm subtle and I'd never breathe a word about it to anyone but you, but still. If someone is unable to walk, is wheeling around oxygen and has a cart full of bacon and instant cheese grits, I can't help but think, "Aha! If you changed that your whole life could change. You'd be happier and healthier and live longer. You'd find new hobbies and new friends and new love for life. Live with me for a month and let me cook for you. I could save you."

I'm sticking my neck out just to admit such a thing! It feels taboo and villainous.

~*~

If someone was to peer into my cart, they'd might see clinging reminders of disordered eating patterns. They'd see 80% super healthy (quinoa, fresh organic fruits and vegetables, sprouted breads, raw nuts and beans and blocks of tofu) and 20% carb binge (breads, bagels, soy ice cream sandwiches, more bread, Oreo cookies, Twizzlers, chocolate bars). I'm no paragon for health. My exercise regime is pretty much nonexistent. My weight is still hovering ten to twenty pounds above what I was pre-pregnancy due to mindless snacking habits when I'm stressed or tired or lonely or sad. Open mouth, insert carb. I want to lose the weight but not enough to give up the junk food. I think, "Later. Let me finish this chocolate cake and then maybe I'll start my restrictive diet plan tomorrow."

And really, isn't that the same as someone who might say, "I'll start my diet once I've finished these 96 cans of Sunkist orange soda"?

So is it, in reality, that my grocery store judgments are actually mirrors onto myself? Am *I* the one who needs to go home and cook for myself and consciously turn my life and health around?

Probably.

For now, though, I've got a pantry of junk food to plow through.

Favorite Foods Survey

Tue, 20 May 2008 15:49:36 GMT

I love talking about food. :D

1. If you were on a desert island, what food would you want in abundance?
One food? Chickpeas.

2. When you wake up, what is the first thing you want to eat?
Peanut butter toast!

3. Do you get midnight cravings? What for?
No, but I always want water around then.

4. What is your favourite dish to make for yourself? For friends/family?
I love making soups, stews, chili. One pot, lotsa stuff, cooked a long time. :)

5. What is your all-time favourite meal - think multiple courses!
A salad with fresh sprouts, nuts, and dried cranberries--a nice curry soup with flaky bread--a giant pasta dish with a red sauce--chocolate cake.

6. What's your favorite comfort food?
Ramen noodles drained and tossed in vegan margarine.

7. What's your favorite drink?
Filtered tap water.

ONE WORD FAVORITES:

Fruit: honeybells

Vegetable: brocolli

Bread: sourdough

Meat: Sorry. No can do.

Tea: Earl Gray

Candy: Twizzlers

Cookie: oatmeal

Cake: chocolate

Ice cream: soy mint chocolate chip from Temptations

Sandwich: Toasted whole grain bread, sprouts, avocado, hummus, cucumber, vegan ranch dressing, shaved carrots

Burger: Amy's Vegan California Burger

Salad: spinach, romaine, shaved carrots, sprouts, cucumbers, pine nuts, jicama, corn, dried cranberries

Nut: almonds

Chocolate: cake!

Icon Snatchers! :D

Sat, 17 May 2008 14:16:16 GMT

Have you ever had your icon stolen/copied? And even though you know it isn't yours, you still have a sense that it is personal and you can't believe someone would take it and start using it right in front of you? :D

This week, I've had it happen twice. Someone in a vegan community I'm in started using this one. I commented to say, "You know, I know the ladies who made that icon--it came from nomnomicons--aren't they talented?" and (s)he said, "Oh yes, I think I got it there." I doubt it, you thief! This is the icon I use when I'm posting in vegan communities and you snatched it! :D But whatever, it is a free, public thing. I'm just being territorial.

And in solitarywiccans, someone stole my Sacred icon and then did some lame-o manip to smudge out the word "Sacred" and leave just the pentacle.

I'm only minorly peeved and totally without provocation, but I do wish that people who, ahem, admire the icons I'm using wouldn't take them to use in the *same* communities. My pictorial identity--gone! ;)

(Fortunately, nobody has started using the icon pictures of me. That'd really feel invasive and strange. :D)

Mother's Day Weekend Recap

Mon, 12 May 2008 18:59:20 GMT

Oh, happy days!

Saturday morning, we packed up and went to the suburbs to browse (the insanely gigantic) collection at Volo Antique Malls. I was looking for a few items to help out my 80s-themed swap for this month's geek_chic_swaps. Had limited success on that front and found some nice Muppets stuff for me, too. (Their actual antiques weren't terribly inspiring. It was a big, junky paradise--no obvious gems, mostly looked like an endless indoor garage sale...but fun to dig through anyhow.)

Yesterday, Daniel woke up bright and early and cooked me some tofu rancheros for breakfast while we watched old episodes of Top Chef. (He had to agree that Teese soy cheese has a gross texture--we pitched the package entirely.) We spent the afternoon drifting around a bookstore--allowing Graeme to happily crawl up and down the aisles of the children's section, reading stories together, poring over new releases and picking up some shamelessly light reading while we were there. Graeme napped a bit and then Daniel unveiled a surprise he claimed the baby had cooked up with his help. Ha! We all tromped downstairs where there were two cards and a tiny box propped under the lamp. One card, filled edge-to-edge with Daniel's scrawling hand, had me sniffling tearfully. The other card was "written" by Graeme, who asked his father to do the writing. They were delightful and funny and overwhelmingly complimentary. I was a total weeping willow over all the accolades. That small box held what Daniel insisted was a gift from Graeme--a delicate heart necklace formed by the stylized figure of a woman holding a child in her arms. Complete, unabashed watering pot status! So yeah, it was a lovely Mother's Day weekend. I'm feeling very loved and appreciated and noticed.

This afternoon, I took Graeme to the swim in the wild, shark-infested waters of our bathtub. His grin is developing into the gap-toothed goofiness of his father. The shark was a bit disappointed to be so clearly unfeared. Now I'm running off to get some (desperately needed) grocery shopping done after a lunch date with my husband downstairs--Tater Tots it is!

I am grateful for my life. It is a charmed one.

Green Grocer and Teese

Wed, 07 May 2008 13:13:13 GMT

Trees in bloom so riotously,
Robin Red Breast watches me.

Graeme and I loaded up into the stroller yesterday and walked a few miles to a new small grocer in the area offering organic, local, and/or vegan foodstuffs. The place was little and cheery and packed with all kinds of treasures. It is so exciting to find vegan specialty foods outside of a big chain like Whole Foods. Finally, I feel like I can buy what I need and want and still support the neighborhood, the little guy, the local farmers. Pretty cool stuff.

The freestanding chrome racks of the store were neatly lined with easy risotto and couscous mixes, bulk beans and whole wheat flour and other baking supplies, cans and jars and boxes of happy organic foods. Cold cases in the back had stuff like organic frozen pizzas and vegan sour cream, cream cheese, and margarine substitutes.

They also had Teese, the new soy mozzarella product from Chicago Soy Dairy. Teese has garnered a lot of buzz. It is only available on limited release but a lot of vegan foodie blogs I've read have raved about how cheesy and melty it is. (Soy cheese is notoriously...well, let's just say it is notorious.)

So I bought like four types of (all vegan, obviously) cookies, snack bars, lentils, strawberry applesauce, a gorgeous nutty whole grain bread, banana bread (!), dried apricots, margarine...I stocked up on plenty of ready-to-eat stuff. It appeals. Anyways, I decided to go out on a limb and try the Teese (despite my total dislike of soy cheese) and also a Crispy Cat Mint Coconut candy bar.

The Crispy Cat bar was unreal! It was a thin layer of dark chocolate over a bar of crispy rice, coconut, and mint. It was a divine, perfect mixture of the taste of a Girl Scouts Thin Mint cookie hugging one of their caramel coconut ones (what were those called?). Anyways, it was the best candy bar of my life. The fact that it was vegan? Super points for that. I'd missed candy.

For dinner, after I put Graeme to sleep for the night, I made a quick batch of pasta and marinara and thought I'd experiment and jazz it up by shaving some Teese over the top. That wasn't as good of an experience.

Teese turns my stomach. It tastes cheesier than cheese, if that makes sense. It had this squishy, soft texture and a fairly pungent flavor. I've got a giant package of it, so I'll keep experimenting, but I'm thinking it is a "no". I don't like soy cheese or any kind of cheese substitute, so even an improved one doesn't impress me. Something about it was just a little gaggy. I don't like faux meats either, they generally squick me out, so that's probably my hang up and not a reflection of the product. I don't want to eat a carrot that tastes like a hot dog and I don't want to eat a soy cheese that tastes cheesy. Blech. The irony, considering I bought it in the first place. :) We'll see. Maybe if I blend it into more flavorful food, it will take a non-obtrusive backseat.

Adoring the Avocado

Tue, 06 May 2008 16:40:36 GMT

Graeme showed interest in eating food this past week, so I bought some avocados to offer him as his official First Food! Big, exciting event. He tried a few atoms o' avocado, decided to stick with milk awhile longer, and here I am with avocado to eat. It isn't something I think to buy for myself, though I love ordering it at restaurants.

Avocado is a vegan superstar!

One avocado + one bag of super salty corn tortilla chips makes for a fabulous snack.
One avocado + toasted bread + hummus + fresh spinach leaves is the gods' gift to sandwiches.

Mmmmmmmmmm.

Enough About Me, Let's Talk About You Meme

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 14:18:40 GMT

I got this from rubymulligan.

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ. (Or not!)

I probably don't remember why I friended you, or even when. Still, I'm happy to share the myth I've created about you and our meeting. :D

LiveJournal Confessional: I'm out of the loop of the pop culture scene.

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:04:05 GMT

Reading my Friends List, I often find myself on the outside, woefully under-informed about the goings on in popular culture today. It is about time I quit hiding and let you know it! I've lived a shamefully sheltered media life, for much of what you talk about I can't relate to! I must confess:

* I have never watched a single second of Doctor Who, Torchwood, Heroes, Firefly, Battlestar Gallactica, Bones or Supernatural. (Or Dexter!) I'm sure there's more, but it is hard to come up with a list of have-nots. :)

* I didn't see Buffy the Vampire Slayer until season six or seven. (Was there a seven? I don't even know.) I found Season One on DVD during a special Amazon.com promotion several years ago, so I've seen that and a few random episodes here and there. All totaled, I've watched about twelve minutes of Angel, usually at odd times flipping through hotel room channels.

* The last video game console I owned was a Sega Genesis. The last game I played on a video game console was X-Men more than a decade ago. While I love Sid Meier and Nancy Drew Mystery games, I rarely if ever play computer games, either. I have never played any incarnation of Sims or World of Warcraft.

* I'd rather take my eye out with a spoon than read fanfiction. This might just be a reflection of the quality of fanfiction I've stumbled upon in my past, but I don't care to have that prejudice addressed. I like characters in the hands of their creators, or at the very least, in the hands of professional writers. There's this entire world of fanfiction and fandom that exists outside of my knowledge.

* I can't be sure what manga or anime really is. (One's print and one's animated? Maybe?) I watched a few episodes of Sailor Moon when I was a teenager and owned a few copies of "Oh My Goddess". Does that count? Otherwise, I have zero familiarity with the genre. Nada.

* I have never owned a MP3 player. That's the least of my musical backwardness. The last popular music CD I bought (not including meditative instrumental stuff) was probably 2002.

* I've never (knowingly) heard a Tori Amos or an Ani DiFranco song. Seriously. I know they're hugely popular, but that's how outdated and underwhelming my music habits are.

* I don't understand right-side up smileys. :-) <--I can decipher. ^.^ <---These type, I don't know what they mean.

* The last concert I attended was Eminem and 50 cent.

* I'm old enough to remember when the stuff that is in style now was in style before. (And old enough to think it should never have been revived.) Jelly shoes and skinny jeans? Oh, lordy! :D

* I've never bought a t-shirt from Threadless.

* I've admitted this before, but I'll do it again. I've not seen a single Harry Potter film. I did read the first book, whenever it was initially published, and possibly the second, but none of the rest.

That's probably plenty to get me into trouble. :D

How are you out of the loop? Is there anything that shows up on your Friends List time and time again that you simply can't relate to or are like, "Huh?"?

Or is it just me?

DEPART-ment: Loot Photos

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:31:16 GMT

Earlier today, I posted about our weekend trip to DEPART-ment, a local indie craft fair here in Chicago. Here's the photos of what I picked up there. :)

I loved this organic cotton onesie. Get it? My peeps? :D I thought it particularly apropos as he won't be, as a vegan baby, eating either of those "peeps" of his. :)

Teehee! :D His hat. Love it.

DEPART-ment: Shopping Local and Loving It!

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:55:52 GMT

This weekend, we went to DEPART-ment, a very cool seasonal craft show here in Chicago. The organizers invite artists, artisans, and generally crafty individuals to display their wares for sale four times a year. Instead of having booths, all the items are sorted into categories, like a department store, so if you want stationary you just check out the stationary from all the paper-goods people in one area. They also work through a single cashier, making it so much easier as a shopper to get everything you want in one fell swoop.

It was seriously like stepping into Etsy.com! I saw jewelry made of recycled bicycle chains, hand-altered clothing, recycled rubber handbags, paintings, all kinds of things from sellers I recognize from late-night browsing on the website that I had no idea were Chicago-based.

I intend to post photos when I'm able, but for $70, I walked away with letter-pressed stationary from Paper Stories and littlepretty, adorable baby onesies from Rhymes with Twee and Slop Designs, a quirky baby cap from Bugs and Bones, a swaptastic Pac-Man pin from Pixel Party, and finally, Daniel's fee for hanging out that long with so much art and baby-carrying, some of the largest, most cavity-inviting, chocolate-death baked goods I've ever seen. Pretty darn cool to experience that feeling of contributing to small business, to creating a market outside of big-box consumerism, and knowing that my purchases in one day impacted (in some small way, at least) the financial picture of seven individuals living in my city. I hope the market for cottage industry items expands enough in the future to allow them all to make a living with the art they love.

In our family, we're big consumers. I'm always buying something for swaps, for gifts, for us. It is so effortless to cruise by the big grocery store to stock up or to solve all of our household needs by giving our money to big-box places like Target. Every day, I'm trying to reinvent the way we do things, to direct what we have towards the things that matter most to us. I want our purchases to more closely mirror our values and there are (countless) times when that just isn't happening.

This weekend's shopping felt fantastic. Good from every angle.

I can't wait for the farmers' markets to start opening up so that I can explore some more ways to live locally and hand my money, hand to hand, to the person creating the product. It's been long enough...the challenge of changing the way I live is such a mystery, such an adventure. Such fun!

I'd love to know what the gems are in your community? Is there anything locally produced that you love, that just makes you grin and say, "I love that this is from my hometown!"?

For me, this weekend, I'm in love with the free spirits of the Chicago art scene. They're a wacky, compassionate, creative bunch. :) I love this town.

Complete-the-Sentence Meme

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 22:41:58 GMT

Thanks to mermaiden!

1. My ex is still...loved.

2. I am listening to...my son's sleepy, heavy breath.

3. Maybe I should...get a cheaper hobby.

4. I love...my life.

5. I forget...the bad things.

6. I don't understand...parents who don't cherish their children.

7. I lost...every watch I own and now I never know what time it is outside of the house!

8. People say...the cruelest things in high school.

9. The meaning of my screen name is...that my life is offered as a song of gratitude, service, and devotion to Isis.

10. Love is...worth it.

11. Somewhere, someone is...desperate for a kind word or a hand up.

12. I will always be...grateful.

13. Forever seems...too big to promise.

14. I never ever want to...try drugs, bury a child, wear dentures, go over Niagara Falls in a barrel, or eat an animal ever again.

15. My cell phone is...used rarely.

16. When I wake up in the morning...I am responding to a crying baby.

17. I get annoyed when...people are rude.

18. Parties are...a foreign concept to me.

19. My pet(s) is (are)...usually asleep.

20. Kisses are the best when...everyone has brushed their teeth. ;)

21. Today I...subsisted on a shameful amount of junk food and signed paperwork to put our house on the market.

22. Tomorrow I will...go walking to combat said junk food.

23. I really want...to be remembered for doing something generous and good in someone's life.

The Weekend

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:59:00 GMT

This past weekend was our final opportunity to declutter and otherwise get our house into photographing shape for tomorrow's meeting with the real estate team. We spent most of our time pulling things out of closets and sorting them into "charity" and "storage" piles and then actually transporting said piles to charity and our off-site storage facility. Our home looks a lot more polished and a lot less lived in--that should be good, right? Our walk-in closet looks like one of those closet displays at the Container Store--a few wooden hangers with a few items of clothing, a folded towel, a pristine baseball cap. Unreal. (But hopefully attractive to potential buyers.) We are exhausted, bone weary, and forced to live with minimal "stuffs" for awhile, but all for a good cause. Our thinking now is that we should have done this long before so we could enjoy the neatness of the house for awhile before moving. :D

I am incredibly excited about a book I found on Paperbackswap.com. Joanne Stepaniak's Delicious Food for a Healthy Heart, a vegan cookbook in disguise. Oh, new vegan cookbook, I love you! :D Daniel has to go get a root canal today (eeek!), so I'm planning on a very sore-mouth friendly meal from the book of a curried split pea soup and lemon/parsley potatoes. Mmmmmm...curry. I love cookbooks.

Lately, we've been calling Graeme "The Librarian". His baby books are on a bottom shelf in his "room". Lately, he has derived more enjoyment by sitting in front of the books and systematically clearing the shelf than anything else. Book by book is pulled down, examined, and then discarded into various piles he makes around himself and in his lap. He doesn't stop until every book is off that shelf. Then he cries until I replace the books and let him start all over again. :D It is very cute. Tiring, but cute. :D We need to get him more books so it'll take more time for him to do it. ;)

On Saturday afternoon, we strolled up to a nearby Italian restaurant we'd never tried. It was a big, family-friendly place, which was great, but they also served a vegan burger-y sandwich--even better! :) Friday, I had to take the mail to a post office, so I went the adventurous route and took it to a place just off Michigan Ave and walked around with Graeme for awhile window-shopping. I am more compelled now that we're on the verge of moving to embrace Chicago more, explore it more, and take advantage of what it does offer while we're still here. (Though Michigan Ave, as I'd remembered it, is not impressive. The Sanrio store I'd heard so much about was a little boutique, no bigger than the one in the Palm Beach mall. Lots of people and some giant stores that are now in every suburban mall in America. Not that fun or unique or different.)